My Wish
by cherryade
Summary: Sam is done with the hard life of a hunter and decides to leave for Stanford. Who was Dean to stop him? Songfic.


**Song: My Wish – Rascal Flatts.**

It was just another drab motel in their colourful lives.

Dean perched himself on the hood of his father's beloved Impala and mutely watched the tension in the motel room grow until it exploded. The normally calm and rational Sam was gesticulating wildly, first at the innocent-looking white envelope that lay on the scratched linoleum table, then to the door and lastly to himself. Dean could almost hear Sam's voice as he yelled and stormed at his father.

Sighing wearily, he wondered yet again for the fifteenth time since the letter arrived three days ago how a piece of paper could turn their fragile family dynamics upside-down. Dean was sick and tired of the fights that shook the dusty motel room they currently inhabited. Just yesterday, they had come to blows and as he was caught in the middle trying to prise them apart, he was flung into the dresser and the resulting crash was enough to jolt father and son out of their argument long enough to help him. They had a normal, well, as normal as Winchester-normal got anyway, day after that.

Of course, bad things came in any number for the members of the Winchester clan and Dean was greeted in the morning with raised voices from the adjoining living room. Undeniably pissed at the childish behaviour of his father and brother, he had yelled at the two of them to shut up before slamming the door in their stunned faces. Obviously, it hadn't done much to alleviate the situation. In retrospect, Dean figured that he had made it worse. Their argument seemed to have increased in intensity and Dean really wanted to call it quits and disappear.

For one, Dean felt that it was his fault the problem was even created in the first place. When Sam had shown him his application for Stanford, Dean had encouraged him, against his better judgement to go for it. He knew that shouldn't be so selfish as to deny his baby brother the chance for the normalcy that he craved just because he didn't want to see him go. Yeah, it was the family motto to hunt together or not hunt at all but Dean knew that Sam didn't believe in it and as far as Dean there was no point in a family motto if only two out of the three members actually believed in it.

Whatever it was, it was nothing compared to the pride he felt. A warm feeling flared in his chest every time he thought of it. He sure as hell wasn't going to admit it out loud to Sam, of course, but he really wanted him to go for it. Dean never wanted Sam to be inducted into the hunter's lifestyle. He never wanted Sam to see the horrors he did ever since he was old enough to count to a hundred. He was on strict orders never to tell Bobby or Pastor Jim that sometimes, John had no choice but to leave his eldest son in the Impala with Sam as he fried some wendigo or shot some werewolf. Unknown to John, Dean had rolled down the windows just enough to hear the shrieks of the creatures as life withered away from them and sometimes, John was just near enough for him to see the actual thing.

Dean shuddered at the memories. He remembered his fear as a young boy of the creatures that lurked in the dark but he knew he had to be strong. Sam needed him and nothing was more important than Sam. He could hide his emotions, mask it behind a sarcastic remark and a charming grin and no one would suspect it. He mentally slapped himself when he realised that his mind had wandered yet again. What the hell was wrong with him? He ran a hand through his short, spiky hair.

"Sam," he murmured as he watched his father and brother's argument escalate so that he could now hear some of what they said. "I don't know what to think, man. I mean, whoa, Stanford! The baby boy is now the boy genius, huh? I think you'll really like it there. You'll get the normal life you always wanted!"

Sam had a firm grip on the envelope that contained his acceptance letter and he waved it in front of his father as if to emphasize a point.

"But I don't want you to go," he admitted quietly. "Sam, I worry. Will you be able to cope? Will you be able to take the disappointment when a normal life isn't exactly what you thought it would be? Will you be able to make the right choices where it matters? Sammy, I've been beside you as you made this decisions and if you go to Stanford, I won't be." Dean knew he looked clinically insane to any passers-by but he didn't care. He sure felt like he was going crazy.

_I hope the days pass easy and the moments pass slow  
And each road leads you where you wanna go  
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you  
And if one door opens to another door, closed  
I hope you keep on walking 'til you find a window  
If it's cold outside  
Show the world the warmth in your smile  
But more than anything, more than anything_

"I'm really confused, Sam." God, he hated admitting things like that even if it was only to the imaginary presence of his brother. If Sam heard it, it would culminate in a major chick flick moment that he was keen to avoid. "I don't want you to go and want you to go at the same time. Does that even make sense?" he shook his head in an attempt to clear his head but failed miserably as he covered his face with his hands. "I want you to live the normal you deserve. I don't wish our lives on anyone. It's not an easy life. I never wanted you to join the family trade, never. But dad insisted. This life, is so off the grid that sometimes, I even mix up the identities that we use. I want you to go to Stanford and fulfil your dreams, be somebody bug and not some alias on a fake FBI badge."

_My wish, for you,  
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to  
Your dreams stay big,  
Your worries stay small,  
You never have to carry more than you can hold  
And when you're out there getting where you're getting to  
I hope you know somebody loves you  
And wants the same things too  
Yeah, this is my wish_

The shouting was getting louder and Dean tried valiantly to block it out. There was another reason, a reason Dean was never going to admit out loud even if he were stranded alone in a corner of the world. Sam was his world. Everything he did revolved around his welfare. Dean had looked after and watched out for Sam ever since Day 1 and he wasn't going to stop now. He loved his baby brother more than anything in the world. He felt guilty thinking about it, but he was scared. Scared that when Sam made it big, he would forget all about him. He really should place more trust in Sam but he couldn't help it.

_I hope you never look back but you never forget  
All the ones that loved you and the place you lived  
I hope you'll always remember and you'll never regret  
And you'll help someone every chance you get  
Hope you'll find God's grace in every mistake  
And always give more than you take  
But more than anything, yeah, more than anything._

Suddenly, the door banged open. Dean jumped and bolted off the hood of the Impala and ran after Sam as he slung his duffle over his shoulder and strode purposefully towards the bus stop. Dean felt as if a chunk of his heart had been torn out and run over by a steam roller. Sam was leaving. John had finally did it.

"Sam!" Dean said breathlessly as he caught up with his brothers fast pace. Sam merely looked at him sadly. "Hey, man, don't do this. We can sort this out." The sad look was immediately replaced with one of disdain. Dean felt his heart clench and his breath caught in his chest.

"I thought you agreed," Sam said, disappointment and hurt evident in his voice. "I thought you wanted what's best for me. I suppose I thought wrong. No, we can't sort this out 'cause there's nothing to sort out, Dean." They had reached the bus stop.

"Sammy, I'm sorry. I-" Dean panicked.

"Don't say it, Dean. There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm going and you can't change it," Sam interrupted tonelessly.

Just then, the bus pulled up. No, no, no, no, no! Dean thought. I have so much to tell you Sam, he pleaded silently with his mind. He wanted to tell him to be careful. He wanted to tell him to wear an extra coat if it got too cold. He wanted to tell him not to overwork himself. He wanted to tell him how proud he was of him, how much he loved him. But all that came out was a resigned nod. Sam flashed him a smile that didn't reach his eyes and boarded the bus.

"Goodbye, Dean."

The wind whipped the leaves around his ankles and the birds chirped merrily and obliviously on the branches of a tree. A squirrel scurried past him. A single tear slid down his cheek. He stared at the dwindling back view of the bus and as it disappeared, Dean Winchester's world came crashing down.


End file.
